3 posts tagged “sanctuary”

When I am supposed to be happy that renovation and hacking have started, that our general contractor is doing a pretty good job and Chiauw is getting very much excited, my energy has just sapped.  On my worst day, I couldn't even stand for 5 minutes at a time.  I literally could barely do what I need to do.  There's fogbank coming into my head.

I have moment of strange feeling of exhaustion infiltrated like a dark spirit.  I remember this exact feeling back to those days when I was searching for meaning of life some 15 years ago.  Everything around me halted.  There were plenty of questions and the unseemingly internal restless emotional turmoils.  And when I wanted it to stop, I simply created a sanctuary within myself.  I stopped my social life.  I shunned my friends.  Loneliness was the only friend that I endeared.

When I got a new place, 'sanctuary' came to mind to describe the new home.  It will be a safety haven, a sacred place and a right of asylum to my soul.  I didn't think much that the energy will manifest all over again.  Something is definitely happening yet I am lost with baseless rationale.  In emptiness, I am filled with acute restlessness.  Joy and sorrow, peace and trouble, love and indifference - they are thinly separating my senses.  There are works to be done.  There are people waiting for my attention.  There are problems that need to resolve.  Yet, I choose to procrastinate.

Hertford is crying and, probably, she is praying for a new life for me.   She is aware that she will be gone .. and forever.  That before I am totally uprooted to the next sanctuary, she has to replay my past emotions.  Yet, I am soaking in this restlessness helplessly.  I am reaching out to the rainbow and, still, I find it is a long call to reach the light at the end of this tunnel.

Perhaps, I am desperate this time round.  With her departure, Hertford is probably asking me to focus on new goals and to envision what is truly important in my life ahead.  Guess, I am just selfish.  Or am I lost and confused?

I have started my journey and made to rethink and making choices.  At this end of this turn, I am praying harder that my life choices are wiser.  That the restlessness will not be ocean deep.

For now, guess, I am just afraid.

Both of us realised that we are going through anxiety stress over the last few weeks.  It is only natural.  Uprooting is never an easy thing to undergo, especially when we have spent 20 years in one place.

For the last few days, I started feeling sad - not because I am troubled.  I always believe that every house has a soul and when the occupant/owner has invested a lot of energy into it, it is only natural that this soul feels 'abandoned'.  The soul knows that we will move out.

I am sensitive to the energy around me.  Naturally, the 'sad-abandoned' Hertford energy gets into me.  It is not an anger energy but a very subtle universal energy that is wishing me, on this separation, the joy to move on.  While this energy is soft and subtle, the psychological thought of moving out is harder.

Hertford is my hide-out.  My sanctuary.  I am always very comfortable staying in the house without going out, sometimes even up to a week.  Change is constant and year 2008 marks a year that we are shifting gear and changing new phase in our lives.  It is, with the GAIA vibrations, an inevitable energy shift for the two of us.

Pictures of Hertford:

I will never look back regretting to live in Hertford.  It was a place where my spirituality took to a higher ground.  It filled endlessly with love and compassion.  It was a place, a house, that developed our character, our vision, our committment.  And there's nothing that we can trade that with something else.

Today, I shall give my gratitude to Hertford.  You have sheltered me.  You have sustained me.  You have made me to grow.  In you, I learned to trust life.  Thank You!

Our search for a new house ended today.  It will be a new beginning, a new settlement.  It ends months of unsettled decisions.

The opportunity that was bestowed on us made us to review our future strategy.  20 years ago, we bought our first property and it had served us well.  We didn't expect to move out.  We always feel that we can live here a little longer - at least for the next few years till one of us reach 55.  Then, it will  be the time where we ought to plan for our retirement.

We built our nest in Hertford.  It will always be a place that we shall remember very dearly and a place that we MUST, as we move ahead, look back with gratitude.  We grew up there - we were hardly 30 then.  There were many stories, many events, many twists and turns, many laughters and sorrows too, many guests, many parties .. - above all, we managed to keep each other company for bad and for good.  It was a place where human foundation was built on.

Hertford, we will always love you.

You were a blessed sanctuary for us.  With your shelter, together we grew - where each day filled with life lessons.  You were the abundance behind our peace and joy.