4 posts tagged “friendship”

Just the other day, as a friend showed me his Facebook - the most used social networking website, an unnerving feeling just swamped me.  The intrigue of an intertwined social cohesion that fascinates me otherwise.  I was made to capture the attention of another consequence.  Of a smaller world.  Of who knows who.  Of an interactive communication, good or bad, amongst circle of friends.

With Facebook, users choose who are their friends based on their interests to connect and interact.  They share information and, willingly, inform their friends of their whereabouts and actions.  While there is always the joy to share ideas, social information and circles of friends - and there is nothing wrong with that, with the chosen few in the loop of their daily happenings,  the acts bring back memories of my past. 

Who knows, who cares?  I expect a decree of respect when a Facebook user adds another to serve the same purpose to form a community.  I consider for reasonable quality and condition formed into a state involving mutual dealings amongst them.  That their interests are homogenous and affecting common determinants for social enactment and awareness.

As my friend shared who knows who in his group, I wonder at the level of prevailing superficiality.  And, how shallowness is apparent.  A user whom he had resentment in the past, and whom he has no total trust today, is part of the group.  This user is allowed information sharing and participation.

As if by a great blow, the memory where I chose to 'go up the mountain' puts me back into a past condition.  There is a sudden strong feeling for sincerity.  For embodiment of emotions that is simple.  For a chance at nirvana.

I need friends for many reasons.  For them to comfort me when I am sad and to laugh with when I am glad.  For them to give me advise and whom I can count on.  For them to help me solve my troubles and to share good times so the joy is doubled.

I need friends for a mutual desire for companionship, and perhaps a common bond of some kind.  For a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life.  To share thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement or negative criticism.

I need friends that I can spend time with - time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth.

I need friends whom I can share my lives, thoughts, feelings and frustrations.  Friends that I can share my deepest secrets without worrying that those secrets will end up on the internet the next day.

I need friends who encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offence.

I need friends who look at the heart, not just the 'packaging'.  Not just for what it can get in return.

I wonder how Facebook can make amends.  Perhaps, it is only the superficial quality that lasts in our lifetime.  That a Man's deeper nature can never be known.  Perhaps, it is a higher ground for us to learn about life.  About how to forgive ourselves.  About how to deal with our emotions.  About how to live in both the positive and the negative.  About how we are gifts to the world around each other.

It has been 24 days.  Twenty four lonely days without our beloved Ruby.  As we are slowly adapting to our new routine, the pain still remains the same.  The bruises fade but we have lost an arm.  Only all the loving memories will keep us alive.  Reiki Sanctuary has become quiet because it has to be.  This quietness is part of a bigger meaning, part of the mind and the access of perfection to a new life chapter.

Change comes naturally.  And in such a catastrophic change, it is inevitable for the possibility of change inherent in our emotional, and perhaps, spiritual growth and development.  We are reaching out to peace.  More importantly, we are trying to embrace and assimilate quality of life.  For higher meaning.  Of the intangibles, only for the purity of the souls.  For deeper joy to house graciousness towards love.  Sincerity.  Honesty.

We are keeping what is important to us.  To live for, and by, it.  To become similar to a new environment.  To take only the best and throw the rest.  Beyond that, we are seeking for a deeper shared sense of caring and concern.  A desire to grow and develop.  To accomplish spontaneous overflow of hope and tranquility.

One fleeting brilliance of light during our grief comes from the realization for true friendship.  A reflection inward of our attitude and behaviour.  Of how we are reaching out to them.  Reality is, we have friends - people whom we know and probably, just close acquaintances, and a lot gets talked about friendship.  The quantity of them that can fill all hours of the days.

The last 24 days put us to shame.  Of what we have always taken friendship so lightly.  True friendship involves relationship.  And, we learn it alot from Ann and Pat.  Through all their givings.  In all their actions.  Gripped with their convictions to make sure we continue on with our journey with peace.  And acceptance.  They make no excuses of having work or appointments, or anything, but will be with us.  Investing their time for our growth.  Sharing our lives, thoughts, feelings and frustrations.

They 'force' their presence in our hours of sorrow.  And 'force' has become such a positive action.  Acting and doing something and expecting nothing in return.  Allowing us to talk and just to listen.  Allowing us to be irrational yet radiates empathy.  Building companionship and common bond of some kind.  Their calls and visits, at odd hours, and organizing activities [just for us]  make us felt blessed.  To them, they just want the best for us.  It is in their true friendship that encourages us and make us to forgive one another where there has been an offense.  With them, unconditional love develops.

So today, we just want to say thank you to them.  The ones who have stuck by us through thick and thin.  You have shown us the real reason of true friendship and we just hope we are able to show it to others.

I am praying.  Maybe not enough.  Maybe too hard.

I am very aware of my grief.  It is not easy to deceive myself that Ruby's gone.  The acceptance is in place.  It has been accorded with love.  That, death is certain.  That, it is a natural process.  Still, I am experiencing profound sadness.  I am all warped with feelings of emptiness.  Of despair.  Of yearning and deep loneliness.  I still cry a lot.  From nowhere, the tears will just begin to flow.  I am missing a beloved soul.  There is just a void feeling to nurture and care for someone whom I love so much.  I still feel, somewhat in small degree, emotionally unstable.

Memories of her last day are still vivid.  Words that I spoke to her echoed with some guilt, somehow.  Ringing  sadness.  Words of hope, of good faith, could actually stove for higher good.  Mismatched between choices.  Landscaping of how fragile I am as her caregiver.  

Guess, this blog will just have to bear with my healing process.  I am facing my feelings and will not suppress my grief.  I have to acknowledge the pain to avoid unresolved grief in the future.  Not to be trapped in complicated grief.  I want my grief to metamorphose into a loving memory.  Laid forever with a peaceful reminiscence of what love is all about.

For now, I am not going to tell myself how to feel nor am I going to tell myself that it is time to 'move on' or 'get over it'.  I am letting myself to feel whatever I feel without embarrassment or judgement.  It will be an invaluable lesson of reflection and realization.  Of my highest good.  For my highest good.  I want to believe it so.  To find new strength that will enable me to continue with my life's journey.  To regain peace of mind.

Her departure means the loss of a non-judgmental love source.  From a person, who used not in tune with a dog, her departure chokes me.  Emotionally.  Spiritually.

Ruby was not just a pet.  She was not.  Ruby was a trusted companion.  A partner.  She provided unwavering love.  Affection.  Companionship.  Qualities that are hard to match in human form.  She played a large part in me.  She weaved into fabric of my daily lives.  With her presence, she was my best source of unconditional love.  Becoming the ideal child and a true friend.  She listened without judgement.  Without reproach.  She accepted me exactly as I am.  Always there.  Ever forgiving and never hold grudges - no matter how much change I endure.

She was beyond companionship.  She lifted my spirits.  

Even in her passing, she never failed to care.  The bonds that we had, none of them trivial or without value, carried on.  Somehow, the pain that I used to have is now gone.  My left frozen shoulder is no longer having the stinging needle pain.  So, is my left sole.  These pains, which I had them for so long, just disappeared the day she crossed over.

So, it is only a natural response that I am grieving.  She is a significant loss.  It is my emotional suffering when such love is being taken away.  Each moment, as I think about her role played in my life, and all the wonderful things she offered, I am not going to ignore the grief.  Nor will I try to keep it from surfacing.  For real healing to take place, it is necessary for me to face and actively deal with it.

Grief is never a series of stages.  It does not have the orderly and precise five syllabus of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - in that order.  It is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs.  Highs and lows.  

My family and friends have given me great support.  Ruby is blessing me to have them around.  Most of them don't even have a dog in their life.  It is understandable if they could not understand how I could be so upset about losing just a pet.  Yet, for them to be around speaks volume.  For them to understand my grief is god-sent.  Their love makes the burden of my grief easier to carry.  I am very thankful.  Yes, I am.

My grief is taking me to embrace my spiritual and emotional realms.  To better equip me to live and love fully.  I am fortunate to cry, to tell stories and to reach out for comfort from my family and friends.  When it is time, I will just know when to move on with life and to let go when I am ready.

Time will lessen the intensity of my grief.  For now, there are just too much reminders.  They are anywhere and everywhere.  In sights.  In sounds.  In smells.

One big lesson that Ruby is providing, with her departure, is about the reality of us being a human.  That, it is so hard to let go.  That, with such a loss, we can easily rack into the past.  That, imperfections are so big.  And guilt is so hard to wipe out.

The mind keeps wondering.  We question our actions.  We ask the limits of intention.  We doubt the validation of deeds.  Beyond all, we express upon the truth of all purposes.

The day we can reconcile it all, Ruby will be very proud of us.  In the silence of communication, there are messages.  You taught us to look out for subtle meanings and the significance of events.  You have made us to seek for higher awareness.  For signs that will release us of our fears.  Of worries.  And eradicate the uncertainty of thoughts.  Only to lead a life with an affection that transcends all mortal feelings.  To become a love born of devotion to one's soul and spirit.

For now, we are still deeply drowned in sorrow.  Unfortunately, we are not coping well.  It is the empty room in our surrounding.  In our hearts.  In Reiki Sanctuary.  It is the loss of a dear companion, and a very precious one.  It is the broken relationship.  It is the loneliness in the heart.  Flashes of the past magnify.  The emotional pangs of pains can be rather unbearable.  We dearly miss her physical touch.  We miss her adorable ways to make us smile.  We miss just having her next to us and watching her sleep.  The tenderness that goldfielded a mercy worthy of our relationship.  That, constantly, reminds us of sacredness and its manifold gifts to humanity and spiritual union.

Your loss is a great pain to us.  We had fooled ourselves that the day will come later.  Much later.  We are just refusing to allow our mind to that decision, sending you to the Vet, was the strength and courage you had chosen.  You knew we would be very lost should you take your last breath in our presence at home.  You knew those are actions that must be done.  You had actually communicated with us.  Showing the unusual quiet trip to the clinic.  Not even barking and struggling as you would always do.  What you wanted was for us to give you the means to the strength that you had lost.  And all your dignity.

The white light that came to connect with you on such a beautiful day, Friday 20 March, was a great blessing.  The weather, throughout the day, was just lovely.  You even had arranged for some people to be with us.  You just knew we needed them.  And the day, it was Saturday  21 March at 3 pm, as your earthly body was cremated, the sky cried.  And so were we and our friends.  It marked an earthly closure between us.  It was the beginning for eternal re-membrance.

We are deeply thankful ...

-  To Dr Quek who tried his best.  To the Lab Technician, Robert, who took great care of the body.
 
-  Thank You to all our families, relatives and friends that sent condolences, love and prayers.

-  Special thanks to Jian for offering us transport on Thursday.

-  Special thanks to dear Penny, Joanne and Nel for accompanying us on Friday. 

-  Our heartfelt gratitude to our true friends, Ann and Pat,  who sacrificed their time, to be around us at all time.  For their time at the Vet on Friday to the cremation on Saturday afternoon.  For all your time accompanying us throughout the night and trying hard not to make us cry.  And, for constantly bringing back sanity into our minds.

Thank you for the constant prayers.

-  Our appreciation to Pat who accompanied us to collect the ash on Sunday.  And then, sacrificing your work, to spend with us the whole afternoon.

-  To Mr Osman, at the Cremation, who provided us the compassion and the respect final goodbye.

My little request:

I believe in the power of prayer.  I am asking for everyone's prayers as you read this blog.  For a little prayer to Ruby.  For her soul to rest in peace .. For her spirit live on forever.

Thank you all.  May God be with you.