4 posts tagged “cavalier king charles spaniel”

This is for me.  For me to take the strength, and courage, to move on.  For me to heal myself.  For me, with all my reflection into the past, will bring light within.  To reach for the tranquility.  Only when there is tranquility within myself that I will find light, love and peace elsewhere.

Dearest Ruby,

I love you very much.  You have always been so dear in my heart.  That, for the last eight years, whatever I do, it has always centered around you.  You are big in my life.  You are the light that shines in me, forever.  Though, I may have complained a little, my love conquers all.  Every time I look at you, there's understanding in your eyes.  Your soul comforts me.

I grew up always so afraid of dogs.  In fact, I could never like a dog.  I could never understand the love that they can bring us.  I could never understand the loyalty they can offer.

At the time you were born, somehow the Universe rewarded me for life lesson.  When Daniel asked me, just for the fun of it, to match my personality to a dog breed in an online quiz, I felt in love with a cavalier king charles spaniel.  I just felt so much in love that it changed everything thereon.  I had a deep desire to own you.  To be part of my life.  To walk with me.  All my fears, my reservations and everything I thought about dogs didn't matter anymore.

I spent weeks to find you.  Spent days contacting local and overseas breeders.  Spent days reading about you.  About how to care for you.  About the new journey, in our lives, to bond for our highest good.  I felt ill searching for you.

I believe God has His plan.  Together with Ann, we went to Pet Movers.  We prayed that we could find you.  When you were ready for 'sale', we were at the right place and time to meet.  The day was 8th January, 2001.  There, in a kennel cage, you were playing with your brother.  You were just about two months old.  I remember the joy watching you.  In your language, you tried asking me to take you.  Telling me that you had waited for me to come to take you home.  You came close to me yet there was this vibe that you didn't want to scare me.  You had sensed my fear.

Everyday, from then on, we learned to give to each other.  You taught me the silent language and heightened my intuition without the use of rational processes.  You opened my world for higher awareness and realization.  A gift for perceptive insights.  A torch of love regardless the difference between us.  A passage towards acceptance.  A bridge of understanding, and respect, to God's kingdom. 

It has been good eight years.  I would want it to be forever.  To keep me company.  To provide.  To receive.  It actually pains me to let you go.  You are a basis for action.  For decision.  For conviction.  I cry hard.  Much harder than when I lost my parents and a sister.  I keep asking for the lesson behind your loss.  I have let you go, yes I do.  That, for all the years we spent together, death is your right passage to be with God.  That you are in a better place now.  That you are at peace.  That you are blessed to end your earthly sufferings.

I love you dearly, Ruby.  Here I am, with loneliness, filled with cherished memories that are just hard not to bring tears.  The last few days have been hard.  Doing all the usual things will hit me with a sense of loss.  It is hard not to cry doing the bed in the morning or even eating food that we used to share.  When I hear a dog barks, from the opposite block, will make me want you to be around.  When I think of other older dogs, I struggle to find sense why you have to go so young.  When I walk the memory lane, at the parks where you used to run free, I wish we can do it again this weekend.  And the next and next. 

I guess it comes naturally as I have always felt the need to provide you.  Protect you.  Only to give you the best.  For you to receive the best.  Guess, it has been my gratitude in return to you.  For all the joy that you provided.  For all the good and bad you take in.  For all the trust that you have given in me.  For me to take you for granted that you will never do me wrong.  For all the love you take with a grateful heart.

You are very special to me.  For now, I am going to forgive myself.  To deal with my guilt.  I am not so much concerned with right or wrong.  We have been good to each other despite our different temperaments.  We have filled our days with love.  With a promise.  Unconditional.  We have learned to accept each other.  We acquired experiences to live.  No one can ever rob that away from us.  And, no one is to blame. 

I am praying for God's light with what am I supposed to know.  What is the thing that I need to learn from life; not what my purpose is, but what's my lesson?

Your passing will leave me - and hopefully, the people around, with a lesson about being as loving, accepting and generous in life as we are in death.  About recognizing the beauty of a relationship we have when we have it.  And being grateful for it so that we do not feel ambushed by misfortunes.

No one is going to harm you anymore.  No one is going to misunderstand you anymore.  No one is going to disrespect you anymore.  It is the only sense there is to be made from your departure.

About eight years ago, we found you.  You came into our lives because we wanted to have you.  And only you.  We brought you into our home, our life, and you brought along so much love and joy.  You became very precious.  You knew that.  In return, you took care of us.  Always reminding us to embrace unconditional love.

When we wronged you, you were delighted to forgive.  When we were angry, you clowned to make us smile.

You told us, thousand times, by the way you rested on our legs.  By the way you wagged your tail.  By the way you showed us you were hurt when we left without taking you.  Cos, you were filled with worries when you could not come along to care for us.

You taught us the meaning of devotion.

Today, you are asking us to let you go.  To accept the situation where you would be free from your pain.  From your heart problem.  From your failing liver and the rising of jaundice.  From your low blood count. 

You tried to fight them.  Yes, we know you had.  With all the pains, you had never complained.

We are praying that you will be in peace with the white light.  That you will be in heaven where you, rightfully, belong.  We will miss you.  We will remember this day.  We will remember you as our precious daughter.

We love you, Ruby.  And so, is God.  May you rest in peace.

"Thank You" to all my friends, you really make me feel that we are bonded, for calling or sms-ing and asking about Ruby.

Geez, what was I thinking!  Guess, I just have to make it sounds right now.

Hehe, my entry, "You're Not Just A Memory" was just a reminiscence of the good old days at Hertford.  It was about the weekly walk where we took Ruby out.  It had always been a wonderful activity where, together with her, we spent quality time talking about anything and everything.  It brought us closer.  It gave us the meaning of love.  At the same time, it was about acquainted ourselves with the neighbourhood.

Those pictures are Ruby's story.  She enjoys her weekly outing.  Oh, you may ask 'why only once a week?'  Healthy she may look, she has a genetic 'Heart Mitral Valve (MVD)' disease.  Basically, it is a terminal illness which afflicts many Cavalier King Charles spaniel where the mitral valve no longer fully closes after each pumping action.  It results in her heart murmuring -  a louder murmur [scale of 1 - lowest, to 5 - highest] indicates a serious progression of the disease.  Ruby has been screened at scale 3.

We are also trying to minimise Hip Dysplasia, an abnormal development of the hip which can produce various degrees of arthritis.  Ruby loves to run and it will not do justice if she is not given that opportunity whenever she is outside the house.  To lessen our conscience, and as she is growing older, we choose to walk her weekly.

Such diseases can be avoided if only breeders are more responsible.  Then again, this is another story.  With her rather-not-so-good health, Ruby is on a daily long term medication to treat the murmur.  Or, at least to stabilise the murmur.  Everyday, she has to be fed with two different MVD medications.  Aggravated with MVD, she had a bout of other health problems.  Her vet suspected of a failing kidney and, unfortunate to her, she has to be given with another daily long term medication to treat and vitalise the organ.

You're Not Just A Memory is a dedication to Hertford.  I just wanted to write it from Ruby's perspective.  She was comfortable there.  Just as much memories to us, Hertford was the rainbow that brought the connection of our existence.  Of life lesson.  Of unconditional love.  Of acceptance.  Of the acts of caring and loving.  Of responsibilities.

She is alright, just a little older and not so much active now.  Hehe, and still greedy and enjoying her durian everyday.  And still wanting to be near human all the time!