"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ah"
Ah, can't hear you!! Let's try again ..
HHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT AHHHHHHHHH!!
Haha, guess I had been so free the other day. Woke up and just refused to do anything. Alright, there were few things accomplished - started with the usual morning ritual - coffee and toilet break. Followed with the OCD habit of doing the bed, which is a must, and mopped the house abit, which is also another big must.
And, out of nowhere or rather the thought was so big in my head that morning, the idea to get the Universe to recognize my existence became kinda desperate. I am still missing Ruby. Maybe, I am still not able to 'connect' with her. Had dreamt of her; she looked young and healthy and in most dreams, she was pangsai-ing!
May you be at peace, dear Ruby!
The idea to magnify my existence, in somewhat ways announcing, to the outside world - specifically to the Universe, mooted with doing some artwork. I am not artistic nor was I good at drawings. But this idea came as though the Universe was guiding me towards it. Later that night, when a dear friend came to visit, that I realized the message. It was a call for symbiosis - a relationship of mutual benefit and dependence.
I have always encouraged those whom I have shared Tibetan Geomancy to have some form of recognizable identity outside the house. Something of collective aspect of the set of characteristics or distinct personality to associate with individuality or entity. Be it their name or something to establish the condition, and quality, of personhood. Look, all those rich and famous - they have their names engraved so big together with the house address at their main gate. And, they become richer and lagi more famous. Not that this is the ultimate thing to achieve. There are just much more to life.
We live in a rich Universe filled with indescribable abundance. And, the great news is, there is plenty for everyone. For some, abundance invokes images of money and luxurious goods. For others, it means having a lot of a particular thing. Which ever we may want to define its meaning, abundance awaits you.
Abundance synchronizes with our life's circumstances. How we define it, what our beliefs are and how we feel about our own entitlement to happiness and fulfillment.
To me, living in abundance means to live in balance for a state of true freedom and peace of mind. Without worries and fears. To live life as it is meant to be lived. Yes, it is about wealth but it is also about feeling complete in every other area as well.
I feel abundant when I spend time with my loved ones. When I watch the passing cars and the greenery outside the balcony. When I look at the sky at night. When I am at my computer. When I snack or just drinking plain water.
Ok, I am digressing a little here. It's unwise to think that the Universe needs such an identifiable thing to recognize us. To bless us. To fill us. But imagine, even the bank needs proof of our identity to cash out monies to us. Fact is, we need to be recognizable. To be at the right place and the right time.
Only when we allow ourselves to be known, and allowing ourselves to dream big, the Universe delivers our heart's desires to flow in fullness.
A simple artwork done by me!
And, this is how Reiki Sanctuary's Main Entrance looks now
*Bleah* - I was asked to show pictures of our balcony lah!
To those requested to see how we did our balcony, with all the chengal woods, enjoy the pictures.
01. We changed the day bed cushion/mattress to a higher density. Day bed is from Wihardja. The original cushion/mattress:
02. We fixed energy saving bulbs under the day bed. Can also use T5.
03. We use the original cushion as floor cushion as in the picture 'Balcony - Left View'.
The kind of words used to communicate with another is very powerful in shaping how we view, and judge, ourselves. Or, in a bigger picture, how we view the world. Words express our values and ideas. Words reinforce our attitudes and shape our behaviour.
Words are powerful. They can hurt just as much as being physically hit. Words are living energy and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. They can penetrate even to dividing soul and spirit. Words are subtle reflection of our heart.
Unfortunately, for many of us, we allow words to become a fashion statement. We feel 'in' when we repeat common used words. We allow our life force energy to engage these words without realising how it can affect into our psychological auric fields. How it will influence our dominant thought and become our attitudes. Letting them to shape our circumstances and formed a sub-conscious perspective.
Words, when we speak or write them, carry meaning and energy from ourselves to another person or group of people. Each word has a life of its own. A vibratory signature that creates waves in the same way a note in music creates waves.
When asked, "How are you?" and you get a "ok lor" answer, do you feel the lose conviction in our soul? Do you feel a sense of peace or otherwise? Is there joy or a barrage of noncommittal attitude?
Another question "So, what do you want to do next?" and the answer "Anything lor" or "Ok lah, whatever".
Imagine, when you are buying food and you tell the seller "anything" or "whatever", what and how do you expect the seller to serve you? The same when you reply to the waitress in the restaurant. Or your mother when she asks for your opinion? How do we expect to be served and to get what we want?
We strive for a good, happy, peaceful and abundant life but we don't keep our words in check. We are not letting the energy of words to infuse in us. To become the magnet to attract all things well. Unconsciously, we allow words to manipulate and inflame our souls. We allow a powerful influence on the thought process and, more likely, to be absorbed into negativity.
Our words live in communities of other words and change in relations to the words that surround them. When we are conscious of the energy behind our words, we become capable to take charge of our lives. When we are unconscious of the power of words, we run the risk of creating disharmony and imbalance.
Our destiny is often sabotaged from the words we use. Those words, without us knowing, that shape our world and the thought of others. Repetition is the mother of learning and the more we empowered these words, spoken with emotional convictions [consciously or unconsciously], we become it.
Pause, and just observe, the many 'Lor' used. Or the 'wassup'. Feel the energy. Feel how these words reverberate in our bodies and in the air around us. After awhile, instinctively, we may find the vibratory impact and the level of energy they contain.
We should not blame fate when we are refusing to take charge of our daily words. We need to, consciously, realize that words have incredible power. They can heal or hurt, motivate or demoralize, persuade or prevent actions.
"Hey, yes, wassup?", even used amicably when someone answering your calls reflects a duality in social cohesion. There is a subtle energy of dominance. When this word is empowered, over and over again, it conditions the mind. It sets the disparity, creating unconscious divisional energy and breaks down the relational perspective for effective transactional analysis.
Abundance, and accomplishment, is said to be everywhere. We are just a moment away from getting all that we desire. It is our own fault when we fail to get it. Our attitude, with every spoken words, toward our future spell the difference between succumbing to disaster or triumphing over the odds. Words have critical implication for survival. They determine how we act to shape our individual and collective destinies.
Words are cheap. Don't let them be any cheaper. Don't let them slip away not granting us with power of living.
"Ok lor, up to you now lor"
Yes, those happy days just seem so hard to find. And, I wonder whatever happened to love?
Memories place my heart over the head and override all sense of logic, sanity and practicality. I am still swamped, in bits and pieces, with a bottomless void of emptiness within. At times, it can be just as bad as a drowning man wants air. The tumult of grief and jittery of indignation create a wave of hesitation to believe in myself. I find myself locked with my inner most thoughts. In some ways, twisted into darkness and in other ways, lifted into the light.
My soul cries. I can feel rather disoriented at times. All my relationships are changing. Guess, the truth is I become afraid of myself. At times, I am wondering if the Kundalini Self Realization meditation that I had been recently initiated is causing the reactions to my psyche. It compounded with the grief that I am still nursing within me. I can only hope that I am undergoing a purification and growth through this difficult and painful phase of my life.
Change is ever present. It is one certainty in our life. It can be just like the weather, hot and humid and a wet thundery downpour the next. That is the power of change. It takes place without warning, yet constant. That life will go on. We just have to learn to accept it. To graciously embrace and not to struggle. That would be the only wise thing to do. Be appeased and to let the power of positive thinking guides with the universal vibrations. The end result? - well, it surely fills the pots of gold.
Just like the weather, we have the choice to view life from either side. The positive and optimistic or the negative and the pessimistic. These opposing energies interrelate. It is the flow of energy. They say that the winner takes it all but only when the choice is made from a positive mindset. We are what we eat and we become what we think - A man's life is what his thoughts make of it.
Basic consciousness is our state of awareness, at any given time, using the natural principle of cause and effect. Our loving actions are the cause, and the effect is our every increasing awareness of being interconnected with the rest of creation.
I am caught in between. I find myself knee deep searching into cosmic spiritual consciousness. Have a glorious desire that would shiver my soul with delight. To fill with abundant energy with positive attitudes with nature's law. To become an asset to life, manifest within the principles, that keep our Universe running rhythmically and harmoniously. Finding my sorrow as my hope for a better tomorrow. Turning my pain to settle into the right spaces of the the right places keeping me whole. Letting me be who I envision myself to be.
I have loved. I have learned. And, I have lost. Deep down, despite all the roller coasters, there must be hope. There must be courage. There must be a light at the end of the tunnel. The faith towards deep love consciousness. I just need to be aware amongst the ebbs and flows of opportunities.
Admittedly, I am currently struggling to find my own path. Thinking, and feeling, free to sail off the wind beneath my heart. I am pretending to live life. To keep me afloat in the stormy weather. To sail and just wanting to live another day. Still, my heart is bleeding. Tears are still a constant companion. It can be tiring at the end of the day. Just to pretend that nothing has ever happened. There is a big hole in my heart. Something is just dead.
I fear at my own restlessness. And, hopefully not blind sighted to follow the path which is right for me. I have always considered myself a healer. But today, I wonder at the battles and foes of life. What in life makes me to conspire in the agony of misunderstanding grief hoping for the master plan to bail me out. My soul jerks with the twist of proclivities expelling my inconsistencies, reducing me to an outer shell of the inner me to protect itself. I feel out of place and could not put a reason behind the feelings. Perhaps, I am walking a different path now. A path that asks for qualitative insight. Away from the critical mass.
Will there ever exist a me that is me that is consistent with its perfect imperfections? To keep me alive within the tunnel of nervous energy between vital connection in a thought of indefinite wave quantum. Can I touch the space between sorrow and to find joy? Can I be free in my own happiness?
I cry for expression of balance and harmony. I mourn for gentle stroke of love. For the tiniest flame to understand the experience in my life to develop infinite consciousness of bliss. The force for higher consciousness to enjoy natural peace and contentment. For a noble soul to emerge within my scared space that has lost between connections of hope and realities of failure. I am reaching beneath myself to find the room to breath. Desperately seeking my rhythm with life.
The pain of lost has stained many pages, of my soul, with tears that were meant to teach me to grow. I cannot fathom the meaning of my dilemma. Despite my might struggles to burn the dark spaces and searching for heaven on earth, traces of grace will guide me freely. I feel strongly that that the Universe would want me to follow my own spirit, wherever it would take me.
The question is.. do I have the courage to do so?
Only time will tell.
Only time.
.. and I still dearly miss a beloved companion. And, a soul mate.
