Separation
Separation is always hard. Often, it fills with sadness, sorrow and sense of loneliness. The longer we spend our time with someone, or having a strong attachment to an object or event, it is not easy to say the word 'good-bye'. I know, to some people, it can also become an obstacle to pave the way for new discoveries.
Of late, there are many questions hovering in my mind. It always ends with a missing feeling. Whether I am doing something (like doing the bed or shredding an old document) or just planning for the move, flashes of the past would conjure. The past energy becomes surreal momentarily. It is hard just to dismiss it, not when I am still surrounded with the thought that I will move out of Hertford.
Why do I miss you? Why do I not able to let you go? I guess, as long as I am still here in Hertford, her energy will dominate my senses. Perhaps, she has a message that I am yet to hear. Perhaps, it is about self awareness of my shortcomings.
I am mixed with the new anticipative change ahead. Is it about not wanting to let go? I ponder.
There are many life stories written in Hertford. Gosh, 20 years is such a long time and the memories and experiences she provide shaped my life. She is a bridge to my freedom, my vision, my dreams. It will not be easy to just throw them away. As I am slowly packing things, the old memories of my family members, my friends, my holidays, my career, my character, my attitudes .. and the lists go on .. only bring tears in my eyes. I had a good cry. And I want to cry because Hertford deserves this compassion.
Those memories and experiences are filled with so much love. Unfortunately, they are about to be left behind. It is about time to move on. Change, as people always say, is good. I reckon it would be a step out of my comfort zone and to see another aspect of life stories.
My tears, my smiles, your name - they are a pretty rainbow that awaits for something new. I know that things will change and in my vision few years back, it will be an 'Explosion of Joy'.
