This is for a dear friend in Pattaya, Thailand.
I am glad that we made the time to meet yesterday. I am glad that we decided to talk. I am grateful that you allowed your heart to open up, even when you knew that all conditions were not favourable. I appreciate your courage to share your story.
You have my respect, my dear friend. How I am in awe of your strength to get going with your life and set plans in motion of what would be the next best thing for you. Even with all the certainties that lie ahead of you. For all the small steps that you are going to take to uphold through your withered force in life.
Favourable circumstances may not be at your side now. Yet, you are able to raise your head. To have forgiven the past and not even wanting to voice your anger. Not to give vent to your bleeding heart to a failed relationship. For they are the past and you knew you made mistakes. That you were part of the them too. Indeed, you are a great gentleman.
I cried not because I felt sad for you. I cried not because I will lose you as a friend. My tears were probably the stories of my insecurities. The sadness to see a beautiful soul with a broken wing. With all the footloose of what lies ahead and the unknown rough patches.
For you have made the decision. One that you feel will change the next path of your life towards your peace. Your joy. For now, I can only pray for you. For all the courage and strength. For all the faith of a better life you are seeking.
May you stay in the light of all things well, my dear friend.
***********************************************************************
And here is a picture for another dear friend.
[Saw the guys playing it and it brought memory of his 'lost' .. haha
This is for you, dearest Ruby.
Days come and go, and it is already the 100 days today, but all the memories of you never cease to leave us. The remembrance that will never tire us. All in love was true. They shall always remain in our hearts. Cherished in our mind. Accompanied in all that we do. We will always remember you. We constantly miss you.
These 100 days are windows of change. A test of time; a test whose time has come. It is our shared period of realization to find our paths leading into certain passages. To become our true self with the coming of age. An awakening, at the end of the 100 days, for the beneficial effects of the different worlds we are in. With all the sorrow that separates between us, there will be joy await. There will be an ascended reunion at the end of the rainbow.
You are in the arms of God now. With all the angels that will accompany your stay. To guide you. To take care of you. You are home where you, rightfully, belong. You are in a far wonderful place. Free from worries. Free from pains. A heavenly atmosphere to fill the portals of your home and give your soul a warm and loving resting place. The angels are your great source to your new surroundings providing you of the meaning of life. They touch all aspects of your being and fill your new home with love and hope.
I thank you for all the days we spent together; it was a fulfilling eight years. I thank you for giving me the light the day you departed from me. You take away my physical pains. I am much relieved from the needling pain of my left frozen shoulder, my left sole and the headache that I often had. Miraculously, they are now totally gone.
There are more that you left behind. There are the subtle metaphysical changes you have put in place. The eventual synchronicity that comes into my life, within these 100 days, raised my consciousness. Perhaps, this is the beacon light of your love.
Though it confuses me at times, you make me to realize my life journey. To appreciate and embrace only the best. To focus on what is important and reap with those that love me. With those that accept me. With those that care enough for me. Just the way you were.
These 100 days guide with a beacon in almost every aspects of my life. I find love in unexpected quarters from friends and family members that I had taken them for granted. My thoughts about the meaning of life, or about love or about virtue or vice and about each aspect of life are slowly spelt with subtlety. My thoughts find easy resonance with my desire.
I sense a transformation within myself with your departure. These 100 days reveal a deeper consciousness within me. To be aware and bring into reality the significance of my life. To appreciate the full meaning of human bondage. In clear transparency for social order and all the inherent weakness in the organism. With its intensity of feelings I get from uncaring people whom I had met with reverses and in my own quiet desperation. I forgive myself so as to forgive others.
The great learning comes on the eve of the 100th day. You would have probably set the synchronicity; for answers to come into realization and for actions to be carried out. It is for the new beginning. You led me to meet wonderful people to speak angelic words of my faith for my beliefs. To give me strength in trying times and bring the true source of happiness in times of joy.
I was moved to go for a healing workshop - an Inner Dance yesterday. There was a subtle force to bring me there. Perhaps, you had observed for all conditions to be favorable for me and opened the path to walk my life ahead significantly. Throughout the whole session, not only that I felt the presence of light around, there was a constant voice - through the people around. The message kept repeating from the beginning to the end of the session.
"In the pursuit of peace and the joy that we seek in life, we cannot be pulled by people who choose - either consciously or unconsciously, to drag away our growth with them. When time had been given, with all the intention to move forward in ONE consciousness, we have to leave those that are not nested in the multidimensional realities for our next waves of energy."
Today, you are now breaking it out and put forward, carrying everything in its right path. You are teaching me that peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others but by simply accepting them as they are. True acceptance is always without demands and expectations. The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need me to do anything but be myself.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever I can do or dream I can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. Begin it now.
These are the imprints about life you left behind.
... and till we meet again, we will always love you.
Let's make life simpler. Afterall, simplicity is said to be a virtue. Our acts must not evolved into complex subject matter nor the substance of our words tangled with powers of explanation. What we feel over certain things and when these feelings postulate with our soul's vibrations, free from hypocrisy, act on them. Honour the responsibility and move on.
Simplicity rewards itself a real and exactly what life presents to be. There is always an accompanying peace when we dismiss the amount and complexity of things postulated. We embrace the true nature of our soul. We are soaked in tranquility within. Within the nature of a tranquil peace, we find love. Not the temporary love of passing phases but a deep sense of self respect and compassion.
Action begins with each one of us. But do let our actions, and the intention behind them, go forth as a vendor for our soul. Only to achieve its emancipation. It is when we start to measure simplicity or how it can be justified or how it should be traded off, the more we are complicating synchronicity for future events.
I often answered to people 'Then just don't come' when they say Reiki Sanctuary is too far. I have seen people lost in turmoil emotions when they do not honour their intentions. When simpler things are manipulated. When the truths are sandbagged to deceive or given a wrong impression. When we want to block someone in MSN, just delete that contact. When we do not want to be seen, don't 'Appear offline'. When we just cannot get along with someone, or not interested in someone, don't honey coated our tongues and complicate matters. We need to take charge of what we want and not to accessorize with excuses. We just need to live an honest lives and avoid self inflicted perdition.
Fact is, we should purify our souls with our actions. To free from sins, guilt or other defilement. The more we appreciate who we are, the easier it is to see others for who they are. We will then realize, and honour, that each one of us worthy of being alive. Each one of us a unique being.
Simplicity leads to the higher kingdom of self empowerment. Revealing itself many hidden power for a higher realm of knowing and communication beyond our physical body. Everything in life, within our Universe, is connected. One of the most important things that we need to understand is that every living thing has consciousness. We are connected to the hidden energy of universal consciousness that permeates the entire universe and wires all of us together.
Understanding and accepting this concept - and making life simpler, is the most important requirement to achieve phenomenal peace of the mind-body-spirit connection.
Nevermind whether the word, "karma", which may sound religiously inclined and fixated towards religious systems to furnish us with some sort of an escape clause. One that will, supposedly, alleviate our sufferings for past misdeeds or for us to escape responsibility totally .
Or it influences a threatening prank to instill fear in us and to make us a goodie goon to follow everything by the book. Nor does the word take kindly any good intention and only gravitated towards unfortunate state and unfavourable outcomes. Or it is used like a sword to spill curse on someone else. The truth is, "we are what we eat; we become what we think about".
All good deeds go unpunished and it is supposed to be so. When we smile at people, generally we get them smiling back at us. The act calls for sincerity. From the conviction within the soul. When the intention is good, the action is good. And, the effect fetches moral edifice of a higher purpose in life.
What we give out is what we get back. This is the principle of karma. As we sow, so shall we reap. What goes around comes around. Whatever we send out returns in folds. The same thing when negative or positive actions, or thoughts, remain that way until they expend the energy by action upon the originator. Our actions and thought processess are like an echo. What we act and think produce effects. In fact, they create a much wider spectrum of consequences, like it or not upon us. They, voluntarily or otherwise, generate phenomenal power transforming conventional notion into chains of events.
Our lives are much ruled by cause and effect. It seems that we are living in a newtonian universe, one pretty much keeps every energy in motion. Every actions produce an equal and opposite reactions. Every end entails a beginning. And, every beginning has to begin.
We should live in this awareness in our conscious state. To carry and empower qualitative substance in our thought energy. In our words. In our actions and intention. The only evidence of substance against us is us. We cannot dismiss the fact that all the chains of reactions, experienced in our lives, are directly the results transferred into motion. In the law of attractions and vibrations, all energy form a nuclear chain reaction into series of coincidences and outbreaks.
It is just a matter of observation, perhaps with deeper awareness and indepth reflections, to accept this non physical behaviour with the basic fundamental of physics. When love is radiated, feel the attractions that come back to us. Rewards may not come directly from the object that we give to but in the many forms of blissful wider network of social cohesion and interactions elsewhere.
Have we not wondered in all the events in our lives are often synonymous, at one point or another, with our past acts and intentions? The reward of deeds depends upon them - and they must be pure, where every person will get the rewards according to what he has acted and intended.
Love begets love. The alchemy that transcends into healthy mind, soul and body. That surpassed beyond the limits of expectations. An intense emotional attachment that far exceeds bonds and integrity.
Love will not come into fruition to someone who, in his everyday life, empowers even a scattering negative vibration. When we internalised the feeling of hate, anger, jealousy - the resonance of all negative acts and intentions, the karmic folds compounded the difficulties. We will warp in despair.
What we do to others, there will be many others that will do the same thing back to us. This is why negative workings - acts and intentions, are so dangerous. Our misfortunes are not a bad case of luck but the very mechanical fashion by cause and effect. We had passed the energy into motion in the past only to materialise its imparting motion in the same direction to realise sooner or later.
Wire Management and Wardrobes
We wanted to get away from the normal white switches for Reiki Sanctuary. Legrand was our first choice. We just love the silvery plate. However, we had problem to match the silver face plate with its white base. All base came in white colour. Matching them together, silver and white, looked not right to us.
Though we managed to get the color code from Legrand for its silver colour and gotten the electrician to spray paint the base, we didn't want to employ too many of it in the house. With the base, the switches looked awkwardly bulky [just as picture below].
We had more than fifty switches and sockets, all around the house including for the down lights, and wanted a subtle presence of them [as in picture below] on the walls. At the same time, we didn't want to have too many wire trunks exposed all around the house.
With your floor plan, go through each room and locate the number of socket points/SCV/Telephone line. Advice the electrician about cornices and/or false ceilings, if you are intending to do them. Make sure the routing of wires/cables is done before the installation of cornice/false ceiling.
How we hide wires/cables for electrical sockets and rear speaker in living room
To minimise trunkings exposed in living room, the electrician fished the wires and cables from an accessible space through another wall, which in our case from the guest room.
The wires/cables were routed to far end [near window] pulled from electrical distribution box/amplifier from the living room inside and through wall.
How we hide wires/cables with wardrobes
You need to tell your carpenter that the sides of the wardrobes/cabinets are to act as a wall for switches/sockets. He will have to construct additional layer of wood to box-in the wires.
Our switches and sockets at different part of the house:
Dining Cabinet
Interior - Box for Wires
An additional wood panel was built to hide the wires
Shoe Cabinet
A boxed panel to act as wall and to hide the wires:
This ceiling fan is fixed directly to the ceiling. A hole had to be made at the false ceiling.
The Switch and Regulator:
Wire Management for TV Console
Our renovation journey had been educational and, thanks to our meticulous ID - Chiauw, we picked up lots of valuable insight. Her motto in serving to educate her clients, let us to become well informed with market products, brands, quality and useful renovation know-how. Of course, this comes with a price but, looking back, it will be a lifelong lesson.
We were not an easy client too. We expected quality in workmanship; superiority yet affordable products and a result that exudes elegant aura of stylish home. Reiki Sanctuary is an old HDB with lots of restrictions. From the limited air conditioning electrical consumption and condensor weight to the height floor-ceiling limit.
One fastidious aspect that we needed her to propose was for the wiring management system that must be functional, affordable and provided an attractive solution. We wanted a seamless installation. To accomplish result where wires and cables 'disappear' into the walls and ceilings. We wanted an aesthetically appealing wire management that will integrate well with our home decor.
Where we used to stay, in Hertford, we were able to conceal the wires. Most of them were embedded into the wall. With such wired definition, it made the mess for electrical wired trunks less visible and, needless to say, is more pleasing to the eyes. However, the setback of not having a proper floor plan and a good drawing for the electrical chart, it can be a nightmarish shortfall. It would be a guessing game to point how those circuitry electrical wires were run.
HDB, on the other hand - particularly old flats, has strict regulations. Electrical wires are not to be concealed into the wall. The whole circuitry is exposed. Therefore, In designing Reiki Sanctuary, it became a challenge.
In my previous entry Timeline - In Perspective, I wrote that life is beautiful. In a reciprocal respect, with all the days brainstorming to minimise the exposure of wires and to manage clutter in a workstation/tv console in Reiki Sanctuary, she turned HDB's restriction towards an acceptable trimmed and undiluted 'wired' sanctuary. We managed to conceal, probably, ninety percent of the design of an effective electric circuit around the house.
Achieving Hidden Wire Management System for TV Console
The First Step - Circuitry Routing
Identify your desirable lifestyle for each room and the electrical gadgets/devices that will be housed therein. With your floor plan, go through each room and plot the number of socket points/SCV/Telephone line. Get the electrician to fix them before the commencement of carpentry works.
Example of Wire Management in Living Room:
Work out a systematic and functional carpentry design and decide whether the electrical gadgets/devices will either be hidden or exposed. It is good to know the dimensions for these gadgets/devices and, importantly, to provide allowances for the connecting cables.
Go through with the carpenter on the exact location of power points/SCV/Telephone line sockets and the gadgets/devices. Indicate to him that you want these sockets to be concealed inside the cabinet.
The carpenter needs to know the exact location of the sockets to ensure right cutting for socket mounting. It is good to have a good drawing to show the configuration and routing as how the cables will run.
For the top of the console, design a subtle 'opening'. This opening is meant for easy routing of wires/cables. You may want to have a hole [inside] at the bottom of the console for cables to subwoofer.
Example of TV Console [or rather, pictures say thousand words]:
Exterior - Opening for Wires and Cables:
"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ah"
Ah, can't hear you!! Let's try again ..
HHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT AHHHHHHHHH!!
Haha, guess I had been so free the other day. Woke up and just refused to do anything. Alright, there were few things accomplished - started with the usual morning ritual - coffee and toilet break. Followed with the OCD habit of doing the bed, which is a must, and mopped the house abit, which is also another big must.
And, out of nowhere or rather the thought was so big in my head that morning, the idea to get the Universe to recognize my existence became kinda desperate. I am still missing Ruby. Maybe, I am still not able to 'connect' with her. Had dreamt of her; she looked young and healthy and in most dreams, she was pangsai-ing!
May you be at peace, dear Ruby!
The idea to magnify my existence, in somewhat ways announcing, to the outside world - specifically to the Universe, mooted with doing some artwork. I am not artistic nor was I good at drawings. But this idea came as though the Universe was guiding me towards it. Later that night, when a dear friend came to visit, that I realized the message. It was a call for symbiosis - a relationship of mutual benefit and dependence.
I have always encouraged those whom I have shared Tibetan Geomancy to have some form of recognizable identity outside the house. Something of collective aspect of the set of characteristics or distinct personality to associate with individuality or entity. Be it their name or something to establish the condition, and quality, of personhood. Look, all those rich and famous - they have their names engraved so big together with the house address at their main gate. And, they become richer and lagi more famous. Not that this is the ultimate thing to achieve. There are just much more to life.
We live in a rich Universe filled with indescribable abundance. And, the great news is, there is plenty for everyone. For some, abundance invokes images of money and luxurious goods. For others, it means having a lot of a particular thing. Which ever we may want to define its meaning, abundance awaits you.
Abundance synchronizes with our life's circumstances. How we define it, what our beliefs are and how we feel about our own entitlement to happiness and fulfillment.
To me, living in abundance means to live in balance for a state of true freedom and peace of mind. Without worries and fears. To live life as it is meant to be lived. Yes, it is about wealth but it is also about feeling complete in every other area as well.
I feel abundant when I spend time with my loved ones. When I watch the passing cars and the greenery outside the balcony. When I look at the sky at night. When I am at my computer. When I snack or just drinking plain water.
Ok, I am digressing a little here. It's unwise to think that the Universe needs such an identifiable thing to recognize us. To bless us. To fill us. But imagine, even the bank needs proof of our identity to cash out monies to us. Fact is, we need to be recognizable. To be at the right place and the right time.
Only when we allow ourselves to be known, and allowing ourselves to dream big, the Universe delivers our heart's desires to flow in fullness.
A simple artwork done by me!
And, this is how Reiki Sanctuary's Main Entrance looks now
*Bleah* - I was asked to show pictures of our balcony lah!
To those requested to see how we did our balcony, with all the chengal woods, enjoy the pictures.
01. We changed the day bed cushion/mattress to a higher density. Day bed is from Wihardja. The original cushion/mattress:
02. We fixed energy saving bulbs under the day bed. Can also use T5.
03. We use the original cushion as floor cushion as in the picture 'Balcony - Left View'.
The kind of words used to communicate with another is very powerful in shaping how we view, and judge, ourselves. Or, in a bigger picture, how we view the world. Words express our values and ideas. Words reinforce our attitudes and shape our behaviour.
Words are powerful. They can hurt just as much as being physically hit. Words are living energy and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. They can penetrate even to dividing soul and spirit. Words are subtle reflection of our heart.
Unfortunately, for many of us, we allow words to become a fashion statement. We feel 'in' when we repeat common used words. We allow our life force energy to engage these words without realising how it can affect into our psychological auric fields. How it will influence our dominant thought and become our attitudes. Letting them to shape our circumstances and formed a sub-conscious perspective.
Words, when we speak or write them, carry meaning and energy from ourselves to another person or group of people. Each word has a life of its own. A vibratory signature that creates waves in the same way a note in music creates waves.
When asked, "How are you?" and you get a "ok lor" answer, do you feel the lose conviction in our soul? Do you feel a sense of peace or otherwise? Is there joy or a barrage of noncommittal attitude?
Another question "So, what do you want to do next?" and the answer "Anything lor" or "Ok lah, whatever".
Imagine, when you are buying food and you tell the seller "anything" or "whatever", what and how do you expect the seller to serve you? The same when you reply to the waitress in the restaurant. Or your mother when she asks for your opinion? How do we expect to be served and to get what we want?
We strive for a good, happy, peaceful and abundant life but we don't keep our words in check. We are not letting the energy of words to infuse in us. To become the magnet to attract all things well. Unconsciously, we allow words to manipulate and inflame our souls. We allow a powerful influence on the thought process and, more likely, to be absorbed into negativity.
Our words live in communities of other words and change in relations to the words that surround them. When we are conscious of the energy behind our words, we become capable to take charge of our lives. When we are unconscious of the power of words, we run the risk of creating disharmony and imbalance.
Our destiny is often sabotaged from the words we use. Those words, without us knowing, that shape our world and the thought of others. Repetition is the mother of learning and the more we empowered these words, spoken with emotional convictions [consciously or unconsciously], we become it.
Pause, and just observe, the many 'Lor' used. Or the 'wassup'. Feel the energy. Feel how these words reverberate in our bodies and in the air around us. After awhile, instinctively, we may find the vibratory impact and the level of energy they contain.
We should not blame fate when we are refusing to take charge of our daily words. We need to, consciously, realize that words have incredible power. They can heal or hurt, motivate or demoralize, persuade or prevent actions.
"Hey, yes, wassup?", even used amicably when someone answering your calls reflects a duality in social cohesion. There is a subtle energy of dominance. When this word is empowered, over and over again, it conditions the mind. It sets the disparity, creating unconscious divisional energy and breaks down the relational perspective for effective transactional analysis.
Abundance, and accomplishment, is said to be everywhere. We are just a moment away from getting all that we desire. It is our own fault when we fail to get it. Our attitude, with every spoken words, toward our future spell the difference between succumbing to disaster or triumphing over the odds. Words have critical implication for survival. They determine how we act to shape our individual and collective destinies.
Words are cheap. Don't let them be any cheaper. Don't let them slip away not granting us with power of living.
"Ok lor, up to you now lor"
Yes, those happy days just seem so hard to find. And, I wonder whatever happened to love?
Memories place my heart over the head and override all sense of logic, sanity and practicality. I am still swamped, in bits and pieces, with a bottomless void of emptiness within. At times, it can be just as bad as a drowning man wants air. The tumult of grief and jittery of indignation create a wave of hesitation to believe in myself. I find myself locked with my inner most thoughts. In some ways, twisted into darkness and in other ways, lifted into the light.
My soul cries. I can feel rather disoriented at times. All my relationships are changing. Guess, the truth is I become afraid of myself. At times, I am wondering if the Kundalini Self Realization meditation that I had been recently initiated is causing the reactions to my psyche. It compounded with the grief that I am still nursing within me. I can only hope that I am undergoing a purification and growth through this difficult and painful phase of my life.
Change is ever present. It is one certainty in our life. It can be just like the weather, hot and humid and a wet thundery downpour the next. That is the power of change. It takes place without warning, yet constant. That life will go on. We just have to learn to accept it. To graciously embrace and not to struggle. That would be the only wise thing to do. Be appeased and to let the power of positive thinking guides with the universal vibrations. The end result? - well, it surely fills the pots of gold.
Just like the weather, we have the choice to view life from either side. The positive and optimistic or the negative and the pessimistic. These opposing energies interrelate. It is the flow of energy. They say that the winner takes it all but only when the choice is made from a positive mindset. We are what we eat and we become what we think - A man's life is what his thoughts make of it.
Basic consciousness is our state of awareness, at any given time, using the natural principle of cause and effect. Our loving actions are the cause, and the effect is our every increasing awareness of being interconnected with the rest of creation.
I am caught in between. I find myself knee deep searching into cosmic spiritual consciousness. Have a glorious desire that would shiver my soul with delight. To fill with abundant energy with positive attitudes with nature's law. To become an asset to life, manifest within the principles, that keep our Universe running rhythmically and harmoniously. Finding my sorrow as my hope for a better tomorrow. Turning my pain to settle into the right spaces of the the right places keeping me whole. Letting me be who I envision myself to be.
I have loved. I have learned. And, I have lost. Deep down, despite all the roller coasters, there must be hope. There must be courage. There must be a light at the end of the tunnel. The faith towards deep love consciousness. I just need to be aware amongst the ebbs and flows of opportunities.
Admittedly, I am currently struggling to find my own path. Thinking, and feeling, free to sail off the wind beneath my heart. I am pretending to live life. To keep me afloat in the stormy weather. To sail and just wanting to live another day. Still, my heart is bleeding. Tears are still a constant companion. It can be tiring at the end of the day. Just to pretend that nothing has ever happened. There is a big hole in my heart. Something is just dead.
I fear at my own restlessness. And, hopefully not blind sighted to follow the path which is right for me. I have always considered myself a healer. But today, I wonder at the battles and foes of life. What in life makes me to conspire in the agony of misunderstanding grief hoping for the master plan to bail me out. My soul jerks with the twist of proclivities expelling my inconsistencies, reducing me to an outer shell of the inner me to protect itself. I feel out of place and could not put a reason behind the feelings. Perhaps, I am walking a different path now. A path that asks for qualitative insight. Away from the critical mass.
Will there ever exist a me that is me that is consistent with its perfect imperfections? To keep me alive within the tunnel of nervous energy between vital connection in a thought of indefinite wave quantum. Can I touch the space between sorrow and to find joy? Can I be free in my own happiness?
I cry for expression of balance and harmony. I mourn for gentle stroke of love. For the tiniest flame to understand the experience in my life to develop infinite consciousness of bliss. The force for higher consciousness to enjoy natural peace and contentment. For a noble soul to emerge within my scared space that has lost between connections of hope and realities of failure. I am reaching beneath myself to find the room to breath. Desperately seeking my rhythm with life.
The pain of lost has stained many pages, of my soul, with tears that were meant to teach me to grow. I cannot fathom the meaning of my dilemma. Despite my might struggles to burn the dark spaces and searching for heaven on earth, traces of grace will guide me freely. I feel strongly that that the Universe would want me to follow my own spirit, wherever it would take me.
The question is.. do I have the courage to do so?
Only time will tell.
Only time.
.. and I still dearly miss a beloved companion. And, a soul mate.
